The Three Ages of Buster: a metaphorical visual experience (with apologies to Titian)

I. Tadpole

II. Impetuous Youth

III. Éminence grise

Okay, okay, enough a'ready!! This is Bailey, taking over the keyboard from the metaphorical Bozo. He doesn't know Titian from Alaric the Visigoth! I'll give him a visual metaphor...watch this!

Well, that's what I think! Actually, this isn't a bad metaphor...kinda fits the season. (Yawn)

Okay, two more weeks 'til the Winter Solstice. It is so naptime!

G'night...

Bailey

B. P. & B. private eYes...

It's B.P. & B. private eYes at your service here.
We have made note of the strange comings and goings of our people. They go (without us) and then they come back .......with bags and boxes and "stuff" and rush by saying...."don't look, don't look!!!". So what exactly is happening around here? Do any of the rest of you notice anything strange happening at your house?

•You Must Keep Watch•
•SEE everything•
•Do Not Leave Your Post•

The strangest part is they all work separately.
Don't show ANYTHING to us -- or ANYTHING to the other humans in the house.

shhhhhhhhhh -- It's a SECRET!

Which brings me to a concern. What occupations require being scretive? hMMMMmmmm... yeh.. the wrong kind of occupations.

More concern.

I, theBUSTER, private eYe, am very concerned for the amount of "stuff" entering the house, because not much is exiting the house -- except the garbage, which is always taken out on a regular schedule... hmmm Not to mention lots of food enters, and kind of disappears, but that seems to be normal too.

There seems to be talk of bringing a tree into our house also.....
Could it be that the-great-and-wonderful-Santa-Paws, will be visiting? hmmmm some more.
It must be close...it's my humom's birthday today and he comes after that.....so......by my awesome powers of deduction....yes I am awesome.
oopsy, just got lost in a thought.... Hmmmmmmm ..........
it sounds like the big HOWLidays will be arriving soooooooon. wHoooOOOOooo0000000!

We must prepare.
Pull out the boxes unearth the lights.. we've gotta get ready!

Part 1. day .23. and counting....

theBUSTER, private eYe

A Thanksgiving Surprise--from Clive!

Our pal across the pond, Clive, the Furry Dweller in the Fabled Land 'O Guinness, sent us this cool Thanksgiving award that he had just received from Petey! It's entitled, You're a Blessing, and we're incredibly honored! Thank you so much, Clive (and his awesome human sidekick, the Not-So-Little-Man!).



Now, part of the deal is that we've gotta follow the rules. Thus, we read from the First Book of Armaments, Chapter One, Verse Nine:

"This award is to be bestowed upon five individuals with the hopes that they will cut and paste the badge above for their blogs, then honor five more and so on and so on... "

Bailey LOVES rules. Especially when she gets to enforce them! Thus, we must follow them or risk getting our ears nipped.

Now we must search our little brainstems to identify five (not four, not six) blogbuddies for whose blogs we are especially thankful. Dang! We're thankful for the whole blessed DWB Community! But the number of the Count shall be Five! Neither shall it be three nor seven...

Okay, this is hard, but we're thankful nevertheless, and Bailey is slowly removing our ears, so here it goes:



Lucia, my most Bella Aireeegurl! She has a Mediterranean sense of humor and brown eyes to die for! Sigh...

Noah and his gurleez, Diggers extraordinaire, down in the Land of Oz where Summer now reigns!

Stanley and his trusty Goobette (whose human servant has recently returned from the Bogart World Tour) in the People's Republic of Gooberstan.

Those diminutive 'Splorin' Wolfies of our favorite maritime province who make us wish we had long legs and a bit of Bay of Fundy shoreline to explore!

Et nos chers amis suisses, Faya l'excavatrice et Dyos le Taciturne, au Cirque des Alpes.

Hey, there's left-over turkey, stuffing, and brandied cranberries waiting, so we've gotta go. One of life's greater tragedies would occur if those humans got it first. So HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all our blogbuddies!

Lots of wet kisses,

Persephone

Bailey

Buster

The Observant Naturalist: Yet Another Species Found

Baileybossus primus

Family: Canidae

Genus: Canus

Species: lupus

Subspecies: baileybossus

Sub-subspecies: primus






Range: Temperate regions of New England. Occasionally travels to exotic places while sleeping.


Habitat: Frequents the penumbra of dinner tables and kitchen counters. Will venture outdoors when a steak is on the grill.


Diet: Especially enamored of beef and chicken in any form--raw, cooked, on-the-hoof. Sometimes in danger of dying of joy when in possession of a beef bone.


Temperament: Inversely proportional to diminutive size. Slightly more dominant than Genghis Khan. Known to stop far larger animals in their tracks simply by staring at them. Regards humans as useful servants and reciprocates with a disarming sweetness.


Markings: Large brown eyes uncharacteristically (for this breed) visible through soft bluish coat. Distinctive pink collar. Oversize canine teeth capable of reducing a mastodon to its constituent elementary particles within three nanoseconds.


Lifespan: As this species possesses goddess status, it is immortal.


Daily routine: Highly varied. Typically begins day by stealing Buster's favorite Wilson-ball and hiding it. Eats meals rapidly, often launching chunks of tuna into adjacent rooms. Frequently power-naps, awakening with manic bursts of energy: runs and barks wildly, draining other canines of all energy as they try to keep up. Torments other household residents mercilessly, subjecting them to long narratives regarding their shortcomings. When companions have been sufficiently humiliated, this specimen gently licks their ears and kisses them. Enjoys walks around neighborhood with humans, often stopping to criticize the grooming of other dogs. Retires early and dreams of ruling the Known Universe.

The Observant Naturalist: Today's Species

Busterigus tongueflappus

Family: Canidae

Genus: Canus

Species: lupus

Subspecies: busterigus

Sub-subspecies: tongueflappus





Range: Within barking distance of Lucia.


Habitat: Typically found on soft, horizontal furnishings--couches, beds, sleeping human torsos, pillows.


Diet: Opportunistic. Eats anything that comes across his plate. Especially fond of Irish stouts and waffles.


Temperament: Quirky; varies from hypomanic to hypomanic. Often irrationally exuberant with intermittent bursts of intense energy.


Markings: Similar to Sephalumpagus distinctis. Ears have positive dihedral for effective glide ratio if dropped from an airplane. Outstretched tongue functions as effective aileron.


Lifespan: Like S. distinctis, generally outlives primates due to tendency to wear them down.


Daily routine: Get up, pee. Lay down, get up, eat. Lay down, get up, eat, pee. Sleep, get up, pee. Play with Wilson non-stop, lay down, drink water, pee.... Repeat 20 times. Receive adoration of human servants and caresses behind ears. Accustomed to harsh environment.

The Observant Naturalist: Today's Species

Sephalumpagus Distinctus

Family: Canidae

Genus: Canus

Species: lupus

Subspecies: sephalumpagus

Sub-subspecies: distinctus





Range: Subarctic New England; does not stray far from companion species Homo sapiens neanderthalensis


Diet: Wisteria leaves and TV remotes


Temperament: Possessed by spirits barely understood by science


Markings: Gun-metal blue coat, punctuated by brown eyes and and large quantities of attitude


Lifespan: Typically outlives most humans due to robust immune system, superior powers of digestion, and propensity to drive primates crazy


Daily routine: Enjoys solving Fermat's Last Theorum and resolving EPR Parodox in quantum mechanics; takes long naps; barks at sky for no apparent reason

Snickers Needs Our Help ----->

hey to every human and every dog... we're passing the word for ms. snickerzzzz she needs our help...our zen.........our energy....to fight this bad cancer! Read on ----------> we're sending much blue zen to her and her family!
the blue dogs, theBUSTER, Ms.Persephone & Ms.Blue too
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
the following info. was taken from maggie & mitches blog to pass on to every human and every dog -- please post to your blog----->

So as many dogs and cats and families
as possible can read it prior to 5:00 PM, Saturday, 14 Nov 09, Iowa Time
(11:00 PM, 14 Nov 09 GMT)
.
Just please help us get the message out.

As you may know
Miss Snickers is struggling
Mightily
Along with her family.




(The best place to keep up with updates
is her Gussie’s blog.)
Last night looked as if it might have been her last.
This morning she rebounded with improved symptoms.
She is far from out of the woods
But she and her family
Including her gentle and loving brother Butchy
Have been granted another day.
We can’t help but believe
that part of the improvement is because of
The support and love that have surrounded her
From all around the world
Thanks to the linked paws
Of her blogging friends.
The Power of the Paw
We are asking everyone to set your alarms
And at exactly 11:00 PM GMT on Saturday 14 Nov 09
(Go to this link to find what time that is for you)
5:00 PM Saturday evening in Iowa
as Snickers' family sits down to eat
Turn toward them (in the central USA)
And join together in a silent minute
Of prayer, meditation, contemplation, reflection
Whatever feels right to you.
Followed by whatever means of communication
You choose.
Arrooing
Barking
Howling
Yipping
Yapping
Wooing
Meowing
Mewing
Purring
To wish and send Miss Snickers and her family
whatever is in your hearts
That will help them feel the Love and Support
They need right now.
Personally, we’ll be praying for a Miracle.
Then
Blow a Kiss
and send your Love and Prayers and Best Wishes
to Miss Snickers and her Family
and they will feel their arrival
in the breeze.
OK?
We believe it will help.
And we'll do anything in our power right now
To help.

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

My Valiant Vanquishing of the Leaf-Dragon--An Annual Event...by St. Buster the Audacious of Liefmould

"Thus as they spake together the dragon appeared and came running to them, and St. Buster was upon his horse, and drew out his sword and garnished him with the sign of the cross, and rode hardily against the dragon which came towards him, and smote him with his spear and hurt him sore and threw him to the ground. And after said to the maid: Deliver to me your girdle, and bind it about the neck of the dragon and be not afeard. When she had done so the dragon followed her as it had been a meek beast and debonair."


The Legend of St. Buster
Aurea Legenda (The Golden Legend)
Jacobus de Voragine, 1275



"He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought"

The Jabberwocky
Lewis Carroll



Dearest friends:

I shall recount this narrative of Ultimate Peril, chivalry, and the triumph of Good over the vile forces of Evil, in the hope that there may be some amusement for the soul in it.

It came to pass, during the dark days of November, that my ancient Nemesis, the Leaf-Dragon, returned to pillage and plunder, striking Terror into the hearts of the peasantry.



Remembering the Prophesy uttered by a wart-nosed Sayer of Sooths during my last visit to Hot Bridgett's Soothsaying Emporium, I mounted my handsome white Percheron charger and set forth on a Quest.



I found the foul-breathed Leaf-Dragon in its lair, using linear programming models on a Cray Supercomputer to plot the Destruction of Medieval Western Civilization. Without hesitation, I attacked!

The vile creature was wounded but not put out of action. It retreated to its den in a remote tribal region of New Haven County, and I encamped upon the rear deck to treat my wounds.




It was time for sterner measures! I implored my human companion, Saint Attila, to give me access to the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,’O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.’ And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu—

But Saint Attila did toss ye Holy Hand Grenade toward me, and I did retrieve it.

And Saint Attila spake, saying, ‘First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.’

Thus did I pull the pin!

It was then that ye Leaf-Dragon made its attack.

At last, I retrieved ye barely-visible, yellow, Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, in this case the fabled "Stealth Model" that color-blind terriers cannot see, and yea did I cause it to expode and blow the Evil Leaf-Dragon into tiny pieces!

Proud I was--but not one to rest upon my laurels, I immediately engaged St. Attila, my human lackey, in a round of Holy Hand Grenade Practice, so that I would be prepared for the sons and daughters of the Leaf-Dragon when they came to avenge its untimely demise!

Note to St. Buster: I must employ Countermeasures to defeat the Stealth Cloaking Device! This is more challenging than Quidditch.

Maybe I can learn something from my World Cup heroes. Methinks the key is to keep ye Hand Grenade aloft and visible!

Forsooth! I've got it! Observe my technique!

Now the Churlish Knave shalt not escape!

I must now adjourn to my quarters to consult with the Grand Master and take a nap!

Verily,

ye Buster

Gurlzz Gone Wild...in which Persephone & Bailey escape their attendants and spend an autumn afternoon at large without medication

Dearest correspondents:

It was a quite ordinary afternoon. Bailey and I had been released from Ward 8 and allowed to stroll the grounds for awhile in order to throw off the patina of despair that the premature arrival of short days had cast upon us. We were suffering from an acute case of the Vapors!



Free of our attendants, I decided to do the only decent thing: engage Warp Drive and attempt to rip Bailey's ears off.

There is a certain ennui that accumulates after all those group therapy sessions.



I had not been feeling quite myself since Dr. Mom strapped me to the grooming bench and plugged in "old sparky," flooding my frontal lobes with all that electricity...

Time for some exercise! Bailey must die!

Now, that was refreshing! She's over nine years old; maybe she'll get tired...



No...Bailey NEVER gets tired! Damn! That creature has more energy than an exploding supernova!

It's time for my giraffe delusion. This is how I get my attendants to bring me back and give me those nice drugs... Acacia tree!

So long for now,

Persephone, interrupted

A Daring Voyage of Discovery... in which Captain Buster sets out in search of New Latitudes, Botanical Wonders, and Exotic Natives

It was a dark and dreary day with winter approaching in the Northern Latitudes.
Our gargoyle expressed his feelings on the subject of rain.

At the request of the Royal Society, I took command of HM Bark Endeavour and proceeded South in search of breadfruit, naked girls, and paradise.

You know this sounds familiar...have I sailed these waters before? This sailing ship certainly rides rather smooth. Hmmmm

It was an arduous voyage. The passage through the Roaring '40's was fraught with danger. But I maintained my watch on the Quarterdeck and tried to keep the up the spirits of my distraught navigator...

Who worried about the turbulent sea of black water that flowed for miles in front of him. His knuckles were white with fear.... uh...why is that guy ahead of us stopping in the middle of the ocean?

We traveled many thousands of leagues, each day darkened by the imminent onset of a long, cold winter.

As we sailed through the icy winds, water spewed up on the sheets creating a lovely pattern of sparkling ice... Sort of like a giant snowflake...hmmmm now that sounds like one pretty thing to catch on your tongue.

At last, we reached an exotic island and my demeanor improved as I disembarked to explore!

A gust of wind blew my beard to the side as I began to explore the beach of yellow, red, and brown sand......uh, maybe that was leaves, I distinctly remember leaves. Yes yes...it is leaves.

What a strange place this was! There was a sign asserting that dogs must be on leash! Where I come from, dogs run free and possess human servants.


Who are these city code people...Fie, fie on you, I pee on your post...so there!

So this is the fabled Quinnipiac River Gorge. I had learned of this place in school. There were stories of giant airedales and volcanoes that spew forth tennis balls--and long, evening barbecues. Well, at least it appeared pleasing to the eye!


So how do you like that visual??? huh?? Volcanoes spewing forth tennis balls -- I dream of this every night!

There was a long, straight path that descended into the forest. Mustering what courage that I could, I followed it.


Trudge • trudge • trudge....through the yellow, orange and red sand I trudged at least 50 leagues through the colorful sand, hauling my human lackey behind me.

You know...these humans need to be walked every day. Life on the ship just doesn't lend itself to such exercise. This guy is way heavy--maybe I'll tie him to a post and pick him up on the way back.

I've discovered the rare red, uh bush in the brush. I will now bestow upon thee a name.

With the Power of the Blue Dog of Ireland, I now dub thee with the name that will go down in history..........it is............

"Rare Red Bush"

AHaH, natives...these are the infamous New Englanders. Notice the blue legs and skirt. I must get closer to document this for my colleagues at the Royal Society.

Avast! 'Tis the horrid Zone of Falling Rocks! Scylla and Charybdis are a cake-walk compared with this! Serendipitously, the ancient pagan gods conferred upon us Kerry Blues nerves of steel. These were granted at the expense of some gray matter, but curiosity is a wondrous thing.

I must conduct my standard urinal-fitness inspection!

Aha! A river flowing into the Interior! Maybe I'll meet happy, scantily-clad natives in dugout canoes!




Or maybe I'll have to be content with seventeen metric tons of maple leaves floating downstream.

There! The Pillars of Hercules! Or maybe the Horns of Satan! Anyone who says this is an old bridge foundation lacks imagination.

I am unscathed.

Well, suppose I survived the wrath of the Horns of the Evil one!

I am not toast!

Onward!

What's with these mile markers? I've trudged at least 25 leagues now--can't they keep accurate records? We explorers just don't comprehend this mile thing ...it's "Leagues!" As in 20,000 Leagues Under the Compost Heap.

Just how long is a league?

Well now, we're back to the ship, getting ready to sail with the tide. My tongue is at least a yard long, and I could use some rum to wet my whistle. Lackey! Where is my cask?

I want my rum ration NOW! After all, I am the Captain of this ship.... Can't you see that my tongue is going to fall out of my head?

I feel better now -- I must now take a small nap...

Hey Hey.. we're back home. Oh my, the larch looks a little droopy, I think I should water it before it loses all its leaves.



There's no place like home. Even Mr. Larch is all disheveled and looking sort of like he needs a haircut--like me. That will be another day, another adventure.

Signing off,

theBUSTER

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