Monday, January 12, 2009

"Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition"--in which our Penitent Buster is examined by the Inquisitors and subjected to the Ordeal.

The following post should not be viewed by children under six months of age, poodles, or persons who think that Monty Python is a reptile:

Dear Fellow Reprobates:

Upon my Word, it transpired in the Juvenescence of the New Year: I was Summoned before their Lordships, the Most Righteous and Honourable Officers of The Inquisition.

It seems that some things I had published (perchance in this very blog?) had offended Their Most Serene Highnesses, the very Authors of this selfsame Inquisition,

Ferdinand II of Aragon

(Methinks he suffereth from a bad case of hemorrhoids.)

And Isabella I of Castile

(Verily, do you not think that she is hot?)

My fecund imagination assembled together all the unspeakable horrors that awaited me within The Chamber!

But I was ready! Quoting the Late George II of the Dark Realms of of the Kingdom of Barney, I shouted, "Bring it on!"

As recorded by the Chief Inquisitor himself, I submit to you my Personal Ordeal.


The Display of the Implements of Torture, followed by their Judicious Application without shred of Mercy:

The Inquisitor was heard to say, "He's not confessing, sire--he's made of sterner stuff!"

So they brought out a device that surpassed even the Iron Maiden in its ability to extract an auto-de-fey: The Abominable Snow Shovel!

Yea, I did not Confess! So the Inquisitor pulled out all the stops and produced an Agony of such unimaginable intensity that words fail me:

I lapsed into a coma. Or a nap. I cannot remember. Yet, confess, I did NOT!

Oh, my...that was a scary dream! My mom always told me that I have an outrageous imagination for a canine. Maybe I'll right a novel about the time when the Armada foundered off the coast of Ireland, and the Portuguese Water Dogs (faithful ship-to-ship messengers) swam ashore, mating with the native terriers to produce-- My Ancestors!

Or maybe I'll just take a nap.

Your faithful correspondent,



Faya said...

Quel horrible cauchemard ! Je crois que je vais venir veiller sur votre sommeil....ZZZZzzzzZZZzzz
Bisous, Faya

Asta said...

You not only have exciting and colowful dweams, but vewy leawned too, heheh
glad you stood youw gwound and didn't confess..I think you look hottew than the queen
smoochie kisses

Bogart said...

Buster, I laughed so hard I STARTED DOING MY FUNNY WALK :)

And mama said something about dead parrots... no idea about that.

Mucho love,

Amber-Mae said...

Oh my, I'd go so wild with all those tennis balls! It's so hard to choose which one to hold right? Too bad our mouth are not bif enuf for them all to fit all once.

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Maggie and Mitch said...

How many tennis balls fit in your mouth at the same time, Buster? We NEED to know this?!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Anonymous said...

Oh my Buster! Your must do something about your imagination....I mean let it be really wild!

We saw sun today, at last!!!

Kerrykisses Jade

Noah the Airedale said...

If this post is anything to go by we can't wait to hear about the Armada and the Portuguese Water Dogs. Tell us Buster, tell us!!

Noah Willow Tess & Lucy

Penny, Poppy & Patches said...

You have very strange and yet interesting dreams, Buster! We knew the Inquisitor couldn't break you and make you confess! BTW, we, also would like to know how many Wilsons you can get into your mouth at one time!

Poppy, Penny & Patches