With St. Paddy's Day three days away, and the threat of general chaos, disorder, and inebriation, it has become my responsibility to ensure the security of my estate. Desperate times require desperate measures. Constable Bailey, at your service!
There have been rumors of drunken airedales in the neighborhood. Heavens--have they no respect for the public repose?
Let me demonstrate my advanced surveillance technique. NOTHING escapes the attention of Constable Bailey...
Not even the birds!
I think it's time to strike terror into the heart of that subversive Jack Russell terrier next door. One stern glance, and he'll be a quivering mass of gelatinous protoplasm!
An important element of my technique is the IMW (Intermittent, Muted Woof).
This ensures that any reprobate squirrel or nefarious feline knows that these premises are protected by Kerry Blue Security. It took years of training to master the glottal stop requisite to the "muted woof" technique. It subliminally communicates unspeakable terror by unleashing a program in the prefrontal cortex that replays all known episodes of "Gilligan's Island."
At the end of the day, I turn over my security duties to my primate mom and take a well-earned break.
Maybe a pint o' Guinness might not be that bad.
I love my work, but even constables have to let their hair down every so often.
Mercifully, I have a good mentor!
It's going to be a pretty outrageous March 17th!
Your faithful correspondent,