Saturday, March 14, 2009

Constable Bailey, on Patrol!

Dear Friends:

With St. Paddy's Day three days away, and the threat of general chaos, disorder, and inebriation, it has become my responsibility to ensure the security of my estate. Desperate times require desperate measures. Constable Bailey, at your service!

There have been rumors of drunken airedales in the neighborhood. Heavens--have they no respect for the public repose?

Let me demonstrate my advanced surveillance technique. NOTHING escapes the attention of Constable Bailey...

Not even the birds!

I think it's time to strike terror into the heart of that subversive Jack Russell terrier next door. One stern glance, and he'll be a quivering mass of gelatinous protoplasm!

An important element of my technique is the IMW (Intermittent, Muted Woof).

Watch this!

This ensures that any reprobate squirrel or nefarious feline knows that these premises are protected by Kerry Blue Security. It took years of training to master the glottal stop requisite to the "muted woof" technique. It subliminally communicates unspeakable terror by unleashing a program in the prefrontal cortex that replays all known episodes of "Gilligan's Island."

At the end of the day, I turn over my security duties to my primate mom and take a well-earned break.

Maybe a pint o' Guinness might not be that bad.

I love my work, but even constables have to let their hair down every so often.

Mercifully, I have a good mentor!


It's going to be a pretty outrageous March 17th!

Your faithful correspondent,



Noah the Airedale said...

Bailey, I just noticed your sign for me to send summer to you. Crikey, you'll have to wait until the end of the year now in which case you'll have your own summer well before then. Sigh, I wish I'd noticed it earlier.
You're doing a fine job as constable btw. You look very official in your red jacket.


Faya said...

Vous faîtes un travail fantastic. J'ai encore beaucoup à apprendre.
Vous connaissez des airedales qui boivent ?????
Bisous, Faya

Lucia said...

Ciao Kerry Azzurro amici!

I, for one, will sleep better knowing you're on the job, so thank you, Constable Bailey, for the good work you do. And as for your IMW, which I just now heard through mia ragazza's copooter ...wait, feeling all woozy ... there's this music ... A THREE HOUR TOUR, A THREE HOUR TOUR ...mama mia! What's happening in my piccolo limone brain.... ?!?

Tanti baci!

karensbrae said...

Good work!! You look very impressive there!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, what a handsome constable you are! I guess your mum is very proud of you. Well we are still getting more snow here in Finland at least during this month....

Lots of kerrykisses to all of you my friends


Maggie and Mitch said...

Have you discovered which drunken Airedales have been causing all the ruckus, Bailey? We can assure you that it wasn't us!
That is one serious beard you're sportin'! Make sure you keep it out of the Guinness tomorrow!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch