Sunday, September 26, 2010

My Most Excellent Pond Circumnavigation--by Gracie, Master Mariner

My stout ship, the Delfino, lay in port awaiting her Commander: me! It was time to accomplish what no Kerry Blue Terrier puppy named Gracie had ever done before--a voyage of historic implications--the complete circumnavigation of THE POND.

Verily, this legendary, treacherous body of water appeared deceptively tranquil; but I had heard the stories from my Uncle Buster. Unspeakable things awaited my attempt to navigate this perilous sea.

Strange creatures intruded upon my course, uttering ghastly calls that caused my soul to shiver.

"Hic sunt dracones," said the navigation chart. These dragons could fly!

I remembered the lines from Coleridge: And slimy things did crawl with legs upon that sunless sea!" There were creatures possessing a single foot that did crawl, dragging their curious houses with them!

A giant Sea Rodent with enormous, sharp teeth threatened to devour my craft.

And the ultimate horror: the fabled, dreaded Baileybeast. She attacked with an unexpected vengeance, and for a few minutes, I knew how Captain Nemo felt at the mercy of the Giant Squid!

It was by no means sufficient that the avian spirits of the undead should chill me to the marrow with blood-curdling calls. Monsieur loon proceeded to shape-shift into a winged torpedo and, like the Great White Whale, disappear into the depths, leaving it to my imagination what might happen next!

At times like these, a Commander of one of Her Majesty's vessels of exploration must demonstrate calm leadership. I managed to keep my wits about me!

The red-eyed specter from the Murky Depths retreated...

The sun fell below the horizon upon the placid seas...

And I fell into a deep sleep!

Your faithful correspondent,


Admiral of the Ocean Sea

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