"Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition"--in which our Penitent Buster is examined by the Inquisitors and subjected to the Ordeal.

The following post should not be viewed by children under six months of age, poodles, or persons who think that Monty Python is a reptile:

Dear Fellow Reprobates:

Upon my Word, it transpired in the Juvenescence of the New Year: I was Summoned before their Lordships, the Most Righteous and Honourable Officers of The Inquisition.


It seems that some things I had published (perchance in this very blog?) had offended Their Most Serene Highnesses, the very Authors of this selfsame Inquisition,

Ferdinand II of Aragon

(Methinks he suffereth from a bad case of hemorrhoids.)

And Isabella I of Castile

(Verily, do you not think that she is hot?)

My fecund imagination assembled together all the unspeakable horrors that awaited me within The Chamber!




But I was ready! Quoting the Late George II of the Dark Realms of of the Kingdom of Barney, I shouted, "Bring it on!"



As recorded by the Chief Inquisitor himself, I submit to you my Personal Ordeal.

First:

The Display of the Implements of Torture, followed by their Judicious Application without shred of Mercy:

The Inquisitor was heard to say, "He's not confessing, sire--he's made of sterner stuff!"

So they brought out a device that surpassed even the Iron Maiden in its ability to extract an auto-de-fey: The Abominable Snow Shovel!

Yea, I did not Confess! So the Inquisitor pulled out all the stops and produced an Agony of such unimaginable intensity that words fail me:

I lapsed into a coma. Or a nap. I cannot remember. Yet, confess, I did NOT!


Oh, my...that was a scary dream! My mom always told me that I have an outrageous imagination for a canine. Maybe I'll right a novel about the time when the Armada foundered off the coast of Ireland, and the Portuguese Water Dogs (faithful ship-to-ship messengers) swam ashore, mating with the native terriers to produce-- My Ancestors!

Or maybe I'll just take a nap.

Your faithful correspondent,

Buster